Colee's Random Clips of Life

What is she WEARING!

2008-11-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

So if any of you have read Lane's post on his colee blog titled, "yellow sweater," this post will not come as a huge surprise to you.

Necessary Background Information: When I worked at the court of appeals it was very rare if I saw many faces beyond that of the Judge and my co-clerk at the time (always married males). So my motivation to get ready for the day (as compared to my usual low motivation) was quite low. So I wore what was comfortable. Even if that meant a yellow sweater (w/ one tiny hole - thank you very much laner) and a big grey skirt. (that as a side note fit during law school ahhh the heavy times -glad those are over - kinda). I did not think much of it, and I certainly did not ever consider that other people were looking at my attire while working there.

Present Story: I'm at lunch last week with two work colleagues/friends. One of which is Nicole Farrell (fantastic person) who I worked with at the courts and now at the firm. For some odd reason Lane's yellow sweater blog came up and Nicole says:

Farrell: "Yes I do have to say, you dress much better now than you use to at the courts."

Me: "Um..I'm sorry what..."

Farrell: "yes your fashion has increased quite a bit..."

I then realized that somehow to my horror I was not invisible at the courts. And although I thought I wore at least mediocre clothes, we all know that people only notice someone's wardrobe if they dress fantastic or well...yep horribly. The topic was quickly changed, however when we were leaving I started laughing about it and Nicole continues:

Farrell, "Ya you dress DRAMATICALLY better now...."

Me: (in my head): Got it. No really got it. Thanks.....

My other work colleague: "Dang, what exactly were you wearing...."

I then went on to explain the comfortable grey skirt....

Farrell: "Oh ya that skirt - I haven't seen it around for awhile, have you worn it to the firm."

She knew the exact skirt! To remember a skirt worn over a year ago - means one thing...I was so embarrassed.

Me: "Oh my gosh did people actually discuss my clothing?"

Farrell: "no no...."

Me: (in my head) yeah riiiight!!!!!

My reaction.....I cried laughed of course. What else can you do - it's freaking hilarious! I just had no idea people were watching me. I guess I should have known that even when I feel invisible people watch me b/c I'm so pretty....:). Note to self...always remember the pretty factor!

Update to the Story: I asked Nicole permission to post this story. She informed me that later that same day she found a hole in her sweater. Did this make me feel better...heck yes it did.

Isn't that my Shirt?

2008-09-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I went to visit my friend Laner in San Fransisco. Work has been a tad stressful so I was looking forward to a stress free weekend of relaxation (along w/ lots of emotional eating). My flight was to leave at 7pm. I arranged with Miss Erica to pick me up from work and go straight to the airport. That morning I packed my suitcase and took it down to my car. At about 5:50 I walked down to my car to get my suitcase to meet Er. It wasn't until I was about 20 steps from my car that I realized I didn't remember actually putting the suitcase in my car. Now I'm ditsy - so not remembering my own actions is not uncommon. However, as I searched my brain all I could remember is taking the suitcase down the bottom of the stairs and leaving it there as I went to throw some garbage in the dumpster. I started to pray that I really was just that ditsy and just blocked the memory. However, sadly I am not ditsy just 100 percent dumb! My car contained no suitcase, but instead my neighbors had access to my personal items for the whole day as my suitcase sat right in front of my complex.

This is when panic sat in. I work 20 minutes from home, and home is 20 minutes from the airport, and my flight leaves in an hour. I thought about just heading to the airport and buying everything new when I got there. But as many of you know one purchase sends me into an anxiety attack - let alone a whole weekend. So I acted -I jumped in my car and booked it to Ft. Union. I called Erica who was waiting in front of my work, told her thanks but I had to fix this solo. By some miracle I made it to my house in less than 20 minutes during Friday 6pm traffic. (Okay I don't know if I should call it a miracle with all the words I might have been saying on the journey).

When I got to my complex, my suitcase was right where I had left it. I had been prepared to knock on all the neighbors doors until I found the person wearing my shirt - but luckily (and sadly how funny would that have been) it was right where I left it. I threw it into my car (okay lugged it into my car - I'm so weak) and by some other miracle (I think my word usage had cleaned a bit by this point) I made it to the airport with a little over 30 minutes left. I parked in short term - so yes my mistake cost me exactly 73 dollars - and ran to the desk. I always laugh at the people that are running in airports - pathetic...well next time I will consider not tripping them.

When I arrived at the check in desk - the assistant asked me where I was going and I saw panic arrive on her face. She ran to the touch screen and entered the information herself. And with exactly 30 seconds to spare I was checked in and ready to go. I don't know why people panic it always works out in the end. I arrived to the plane with plenty of time, now if i can just find my one missing shirt....

Bracket Time

2008-03-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

Well it is one of my favorite times of the year....March Madness! I'll admit I've only been a March Madness fan for a short period - but now that I know of the happiness that comes from filling out a little bracket I will never stray. Last year, as the nerd I am, I researched articles about teams and tried to chose the team with the most "heart." This strategy secured me the lead after the first round. I guessed (chose) every upset correct. My problem: I put too much weight on heart. (It is my problem in all aspects of my life). My standing in the ranks quickly tanked, and I ended dead last. (I guess something they call skill makes a difference, weird.) The hardest moment last year was when Vande lost a couple rounds too early, well according to me it was too early. I was on a third date and we were listening to the game on the radio. When they lost I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried to control it, but before I knew it they were flowing out. I tried to hide it from my date, but he quickly noticed and being the sports fan he is I don' know if he wanted to cry, laugh, or marry me. It was then that my love for this competition was sealed. This year I tried to chose based on heart and rankings - so far I'm losing. However, as I learned last year the first round is simply that the beginning - so here is to a winning bracket - updates on final ranking to come.

The BIG 3-0

2008-02-22T12:56:00.000-08:00

So on January 29 I turned the official big 3-0. I've heard horror stories of turning 30 particularly when one is not married and has not experienced child birth. However, much to my surprise I LOVE being 30. Although it is likely just my own interpretation, I feel that being 30 demands some respect. In other words, "I don't have to take crap anymore." For example my response now to being treated poorly in a relationship, will be "I'm 30, I don't have to take this crap." An insensitive and completely selfish "friend"...."I'm 30, I don't have to take this crap." A partner at work demanding a research project by the day's end....okay well being 30 doesn't free me from everything. In horror I mean honor of this HUGE milestone, I would like to share 30 pieces of wisdom that I have learned in the last 30 years:

1. Laugh at yourself and relish in randomness – so others can join you instead of laughing behind your back.
2. Electronic Research is extremely costly and you should always know how much you are charging before you charge up a lexus-vehicle worth of charges -as I found this out my first two weeks at my new job.
3. Olives are fattening - Thanks to the subway sandwich artists who informed me of this when I asked for extra olives.
4. Some people do not have thumbs – and therefore you should not give a thumbs up to a thumbless man.
5. Always (ALWAYS) look up when you are walking down the stairs at a basketball arena – I still think that male cheerleader meant to peg me in the head w/ the mini football.
6. If you fall all the time (snow, rain, stairs, inside on hard floors with no objects in your way) you have earned the right to laugh at others who do the same.
7. Learn Spanish. This will come in useful if you ever find yourself involved in a hit in run in Cancun at 2 am while driving a rental car. Lane’s sign language to the Spanish police just didn’t seem to work... “hit – get it hit – we’ve been hit – hit by a bus” AHHH, - yes come with me (20 min. later the policeman’s response “so what did you leave on bus”).
8. Learn the difference between reply and reply all so as to avoid sending opposing counsel confidential settlement information.
9. TALK FAST. Otherwise the world will know what you really are saying and ban you forever.
10. Feel free to change your name, it provides a sense of a new identity. Nicole, Nicki, Colee, Cole, Pynee, Nickster, Nickel, Scoli, Puke, “Go For It Buffet.”
11. Eat up. So you can EARN great nicknames like “Go For It Buffet.” (based on the t-shirt you were wearing “Go For It Ballet”).
12. Don’t give your sons the assignment of dressing up your daughters for Halloween. Thank you Mom – I was a hobo 4 years running. (However, my brothers have informed me that a Hobo is better than the plastic costumes (sweat machines) they suffered through.)
13. Avoid dating a guy that is only friends with his mother, and thinks all kissing but small pecks should wait till marriage. (I know I know) Ohhh “the pecker” he was a good guy.
14. Try (try) not to justify bad relationships with the fact “but he was so pretty.” (see number 13.)
15. If you find yourself on a blind date with a guy, his three guy friends, being kicked out of your seats at the Jazz game to then spend two hours in a sporting goods store trying to talk a ditzy sales clerk into giving you validations and listening to the guy’s best sonar noises on the way home….eat a lot of ice cream.
16. If a guy takes you to a look at some random lake you have never heard of, or invites you to his house at 11:00 to “talk,” know that he is up to something else (yes I was that stupid).
17. Learn the terms, “Really…no seriously really.” So you can think them in your head and just laugh when people state or do the oddest (strangest, weirdest) things.
18. Be careful about telling “confidential information” to others. I have learned this lesson many times over. Thanks Sean for yelling out first year of law school, “so who is it that we are going to school with that you kissed,” as my ex sat two seat away. Thanks Brandon for stating to a partner, “Nicole thought settling the case at that point was silly,” when the partner was who chose to settle the case.
19. Look for the good in any situation. Although, I have a rod in my back and therefore am squished, which caused a one-hip affect. I now can be either curvy, or not curvy depending on which angle. I adore that flexibility.
20. Dress Trendy. So that when you and your friend switch clothes for Halloween people will get it and not just compliment you all day how good you finally look. Thanks to Lynds and my favorite all time red leather jacket.
21. Cross your fingers on certain secrets. This is handy when your roommate confides in you that she has been struggling with her boyfriend lately and when you inquire why she states “I am physically exhausted from fighting the inner passions that are inside of me,” you can tell others. Related to this same roommate, I learned to not date a guy whose name sounds like sh**.
22. Don’t be anal about food with roommates, or your roommates will eat all your food. If she just hadn’t signed each banana I would not have been so tempted to eat her whole bag of robin eggs when she was away from town to only realize that they are a seasonal food and were not available to replace before she would notice.
23. Learn to avoid cops. After the same fat Hyrum patrolman pulled me over three times in a row, I learned to stay off that street. Who notices those yellow flashing lights anyway – kids are small, please. I still hate that guy.
24. Point out what people are known for. This will be welcomed and hated, but is always a good time. For example, “You always remember songs – it’s your thing.” Or “You can’t keep a secret – it’s your thing.” However, when the last one was said she was not pleased, until two weeks later when she told confidential information right in front of the informant and the subject of the information……classis…my comment. “It’s okay its your thing.”
25. However, make sure to think before pointing out what people are known for…some may should be kept inside. For example, letting someone known that everyone knows them as the “cheap one” in the family, is not appropriate. Sorry about that.
26. If confronted with taking away an object from a small child always chose the scissors over the stuffed monkey. Kim taught me this great lesson when she took the monkey away from a two-year old so they wouldn’t cut the monkey. “Whatever you do…save the monkey.”
27. Avoid men with uni-brows and bow ties no matter the consequence, even if that consequence is uni-brow man telling your law school class you are an “ice queen,” or bow tie man thinking you have a crush and referencing that crush when he asks out your friend.
28. When a friend breaks up with someone avoid the following comments: “Do you think he is back with his ex-girlfriend.” (Love you mom) “Oh no, I have never seen you so happy as when you were together.” “He wants to go to lunch, only break-ups and firings happen at lunch.”
29. When attempting to flirt…do not move. “Maybe we’ll see you there” I said to a pretty man as I then turned and fell hard! “Hi cutie,” as Kim moved to get a county artists signature and fell down and put a lady in a choke hold.
30. Avoid bad haircuts, and more specifically never get your hair cut in Tennessee. There is the mullet cut of 2004, the soccer mom do of 2002 (which I then died black) of which all I could do is laugh. Dad’s response, “what the hell did you do? You have one weird sense of humor.”

If you have any lessons you would like to share or lessons I have taught you (so wise) please comment.

Here's to being 30 and loving it!

Invasion at Work

2008-01-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

I decided to start a blog to record all the random stories in my life that make me laugh. A large portion of those stories occur at work, and for that reason I have tried not to share my blog with any work colleagues. How can I make fun of those I work with if they are reading my blog? Last Thursday, a particular bright but devious partner at my firm found my blog and proceeded to email it to others. I was out of the office most of the day Thursday, and returned to several people calling me by my nickname, "Colee," a name I have told very few people at work about. With this new development, I now am very limited on what I can blog. More importantly, I can no longer blog about my new crush at work. So many funny stories revolve around this crush and my interactions with him. If you would like to know the stories, you will just have to ask me in person. (This invite does not include work colleagues as that would not be appropriate). To all of you that I work with....If you are reading this blog, then you better comment - and they better be interesting as to liven up what Christina called "my boring blog." However, if Christina keeps calling it the boring blog I might have to add an entry describing my fun experiences at the Women's Law Retreat, :)>

LOVE BYE YOU

2007-12-17T14:30:00.000-08:00

If you know me well, you know that I constantly am making a fool out of myself. It's truly one of my gifts. This story actually starts back in March. And needs a little background information. I, Colee, am a very loving person. I love most people (for examples of people I don't love read chubby naked lady blog). Because of this, it is very likely you have heard me say "love you, bye" at the end of a conversation. I say it to all my family and most my friends (sorry I just dont' love you all). It's the giver in me. Anyway, last March I had been dating a guy a short 10 days. The relationship had become pretty serious pretty fast - but still 10 days. I was on the phone with Patrick (names have been changed - March- St. Patrick's Day - you get it) and as the conversation ended I remember saying "Okay have fun, be safe, and LOVE......" It was at this moment that I realized I was talking to a guy I met 10 days ago and that the word "love" means something different with a possible suitor. Acting in total panic mode i ended with "....bye." I waited a moment....silence.....I started to explain "I'm sorry, it's a habit, I just always say that." In response, more silence. It was then I realized he had hung up. I shortly thereafter received a text stating that he was laughing so hard he had to hang up. And that he thought it was perfectly normal to be in love with someone after 10 days. It became a joke around friends and between Patrick and I the saying "I love bye you" became a tender declaration.

You might now be asking why I'm retelling this story. Well first, it's funny and makes me laugh so why not share. Second, I did it again. This last weekend I left a voice message for a guy I've been dating, Nic (names have been changed - Christmas - ya you get it). At the end of the message I said "Okay talk to you later, love you..." and as I went to hang up the phone I realized what I had said and quickly added "I'm so sorry habit" and hung up. The moral of this story is if I tell you I love you please don't freak out on me - and just know you are in great company w/ the millions of others I love as well. (okay that and I need to get in a serious relationship where I can say this freely and it not be an issue- but until then don't freak).

Looking Good in Stripes

2007-11-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

So this last Saturday, Kimee, Kate and I were asked to referee their ward turkey bowl. So in the early sunlight we entered the field of 20 competitive guys to act like we had some control over them b/c of a small little whistle. Of course Kimee and Kate were out in about two seconds, but I was determined to have some authority over this game.

So in the ugliest zebra stripped shirt known to man and w/ my little whistle I walked the side lines yelling out completely credible calls such as "ugly look foul," "bad morning hair foul," and let's not forgot the offense that occurred w/in two seconds of the start of the game, the "mooning foul" (boy please tighten your waist bands while playing flag football). I tried to call half-time (blew the whistle about 20 times), but was told they wanted to play it out - no respect!

The highlight of the day came when there was a controversial call (that my co-ref - an injured player - hi chris - called for me) caused a pretty QB (so arrogant) to yell at me saying, "oh so now the ref decides to make a call." What he hadn't realized is I was making them all along - just not everyone was listening. The next day at church pretty QB tried to make amends - but as a ref I have to stay unbias. All in all I think I did a fantastic job - well at making them laugh - still mission accomplished.

Chubby Naked Gym Lady

2007-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

So last night I went to the gym as the fit person I am (okay going to be). I entered a changing room that they have so conveniently and purposefully put in the locker room. I changed into my sporty orange and purple gym clothes (Dad's store was having clearance on gym clothes - orange and purple mostly - so those are now my two favorite gym clothes colors). As I exited, my eyes were scarred...there in all her beauty was chubby naked gym lady. Every gym has one - but so far at this gym I had avoided running into her. As the insanely modest person I am, I've become pretty good and blocking those type of sights out of my peripheral vision. So I walked past her quickly and placed my water bottle on a sink not close to her, while I used the restroom (couldn't think of a more appropriate way to put this). As I walked out, I was horrified to see that she was now leaning over my water bottle - I am not joking. So using my super power screening vision I was able to maneuver around chubby naked gym lady and grab the bottle without any scarring life-lasting visions. My question to all of you that are now fans of the blog (all five of you) - why in the HE** do people walk around naked at the gym. (Guys I realize are different - and I chalk that up to guys are weird). They put changing rooms and curtains on the showers for a reason - USE THEM! But really I think in order to qualify for this behavior you have to be a) chubby b) insane! And since I already qualify under element b) - I can never get really chubby or I will be the next CHUBBY NAKED GYM LADY!

I almost forgot the best part - she was talking to herself the whole time - LOUD. There is a chance she was on the phone - but I wasn't about to brake my screened vision to find out.

Introduction

2007-11-06T15:40:00.000-08:00

I realized I should probably tell a little background of why I started a blog. I, Colee Pyne, continually have random experiences happen in my life. A common saying from my friends after hearing a particular story, "Of course that happened to you." I decided a few years back that everyone experiences randomness they just dont' recognize it as such and use the moment to create laughter for everyone. I'm a giver afterall, and if someone can laugh at my expense - then who am I to deprive them of such. After much prodding from others to write my stories down, I've decided to start this blog. (thanks to lynds for showing me how - ha - not always so quick)

Note - Lane, as my life mate, decided that I should have a blog 18 months ago and started a colee blog himself (see link). He will continue to write stories from my past and probably future - that will most likely not be as edited as mine.

Sho Fly Sho

2007-11-05T12:39:00.001-08:00

Erica was in town this last weekend and on Saturday night we stayed over at Kimee's house. Around 1 am we started to get ready for bed and in came the infestation of Flipper. Who is flipper? Well flipper actually is the name of the fly I convinced my midgets (nieces and nephews) was my pet while out in Nashville. By the end of the day, they were all calling out for flipper and trying to pet him. Classic. Back to this weekend. So Flipper is now the name of the incredibly fast horse fly that would not leave us alone between the hours of 1am and 2am Saturday night. So for an hour Kim, Erica, and myself armed w/ weapons of paper, folders, etc - attempted to kill Flipper. Granted the speed of the fly was increased with the blurriness that was my sight after taking out my contacts, but really it was faster than my victory over Jackie at the doughnut eating contest a few weeks back.

We trapped it in Kim's walk in and for 30 minutes we all sat in the closet and each time it made an appearance from out of Kim's top-designer clothes (which I now know each item very well – simply adorable) we would all go to attack mode. One time the fly came dangerously close to Kimee's head-and everything happened too fast to stop Erica from smacking Kim over the head. Erica's response, "sometimes you have to take one for the team." I definitely hope Erica is on my side in any gang fight I happen to find myself in.

After about 30 minutes, we gave up and each snuck out of the closet to trap Flipper in the closet for the night. Back in Kim's room feeling safe from Flipper's watchful eye, we were devastated as he flew right past us - I could have sworn I saw him flip us off – smug little ***
So we went into killer mode again. We closed all the doors and trapped him in Kimee's room. I got really close and as he flew to the floor, I dropped to my knees in an effort to crush him. I was left with a bruise and flipper flying past me once again. Finally, Kimee, standing on top of her bed, hit success as she made contact with him and injured him. He flew injured to the drapes, where Erica was waiting, and like the killer she is - she promptly took his life (I don't think he suffered….much). We promptly took pictures of the dead carcass and of course of us - the triumph fly squad.